You’ve probably heard this by now, but boo anyway! The Brooklyn Paper says:

Aretha Franklin’s two free shows here [this] week  — first on Aug. 9 at Wingate Field in Crown Heights, and then again on Aug. 12 at Asser Levy Seaside Park in Coney Island — have been canceled due to an unspecified injury that the singer claims to have suffered on Sunday [later revealed to be fractured ribs].

I’m personally a little indifferent – Aretha’s heyday is a little before my time and I had no plans to go to the show this week – but she was the biggest star on either slate, so I imagine this news was met with a great deal of disappointment.

I’d be sorely disappointed if anything happened to the B-52s/Belinda Carlisle concert on August 19. I’ve had my heart set on it for weeks. I’ll be there, even if it rains. Especially if it rains. Noah could be on the other side of the Boardwalk, packing them in two-by-two, and I’ll still be dancing to Love Shack in the mud (which I hear is pretty much how the B-52s last appearance at Asser-Levy went down). Sounds like Heaven On Earth to me.

So here’s hoping for no unfortunate incidents to beehive haircuts.

If you’re still looking for something to do tomorrow night, check out the outdoor movie at the Narrows Botanical Garden in Bay Ridge. This week’s movie – the last of the season – is The Blind Side, an obscure indie flick with an up-and-coming cast that’s become something of a cult classic an Academy Award-nominated film starring Sandra Bullock that everyone who sees it raves about. As usual, you’ll need to bring your own blanket or lawn chair. Popcorn and other refreshments will be sold, and you can bring your own snacks! (Sorry, no boozeamohol.)

Note: in the event of rain, the movie will be played on Friday. Current forecast calls for a chance of rain on Thursday, but a dry Friday evening. Check the Botanical Gardens web site for up-to-date information.

Reminder: The Beach Boys Band (Mike Love, Bruce Johnston, and some random backup dudes) will be playing at Asser-Levy Seaside Park tomorrow night. The concert begins at 7:30pm. AND… Finding Nemo will be the outdoor movie at the Narrows Botanical Garden, starting at sundown. Sorry, no way to be in both places at once – you’ll have to choose one, or the other! Spectators to both are encouraged to bring lawn chairs.

This Thursday, the Narrows Botanical Gardens in Bay Ridge kicks off the first of three movies in its summer outdoor film series with Mildred Pierce, a 1945 film noir classic starring Joan Crawford. The movie starts at sundown. Popcorn, snacks, and refreshments will be sold. Bring a blanket! Or folding chair!

Thursday Summer Movie Series – Full Schedule

• July 8 – Mildred Pierce (1945, Joan Crawford)
• July 22 – Finding Nemo (2003, voices of Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres)
• August 12 – The Blind Side (2009, Sandra Bullock)

P.S. Remember, the South Brooklyn outdoor movie schedule also includes Mamma Mia on Tuesday, August 17, as part of Council Member Dominic Recchia’s Asser Levy concert series.

5th Avenue Festival in Bay Ridge. All photos: Brian Hedden

Here some of the pictures from last Sunday’s street festival on 5th Avenue.

The band Holla Back played in front of the Wicked Monk.

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The MTA hates us all. Photo credit: Brian Hedden

Last weekend, the MTA suspended R-train service from Whitehall to 95th Street, as they do from time-to-time. Shuttle buses were provided for riders going to and from Bay Ridge.

This happens from time to time, and it isn’t much fun. But what made this especially infuriating this time is that it coincided with the Bay Ridge Fifth Avenue festival.

I just don’t understand – the Fifth Avenue festival – clocking in around 20 blocks – is one of Bay Ridge’s major annual events. Allowing a major disruption to a neighborhood’s only subway line during such an event is unacceptable, and Transit has a history of doing it (a similar event last year in Bushwick during an L-train outage comes to mind).

It’s time for the City and MTA to work together to end this nonsense.

The Fifth Avenue Festival in Bay Ridge is on Sunday, June 6 – less than three weeks away. And the marquee event will be the annual pizza eating contest held by Rocco’s Pizza at the corner of 79th Street. And hey – you don’t have to be a professional eater to join. Us amateurs can qualify by taking the Pizza Eating Challenge:

All potential participants for the 2010 Annual Brooklyn Pizza Eating Contest are welcome to take the Pizza Eating Challenge to qualify for the main event on Sunday June 6, 2010.

The Pizza Eating Challenge can be taken at Rocco’s Pizza on 5th located at 7818 5th Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11209•718.238.7658.

The Pizza Eating Challenge, Challenges you to eat an 18″ large Pizza including crust in 8 minutes. Win and you will be entered into the 2010 Pizza Eating Contest (depending on your time). Loose and you will have to pay for pizza.

OMG. I want to try this. I’m not a professional pizza eater, but it is a minor hobby of mine. When I was growing up, my dad and I would fight over the “big half” of a large pie – you know, the six slices that were slightly larger than the other six slices by virtue of an errant stroke of the pizza cutter. It’s this sort of thing, along with skipping 12th-period gym class to go to McDonald’s with the Tims, that can probably explain the habits that have led to the extra 20 pounds I’ve put on in the last 16 months. But I figure this at least makes me qualified to give the Rocco’s Pizza Challenge a try. Who wants to see this?

There’s a couple of Bay Ridge events this Saturday that caught my eye:

• The 2010 edition of the Viking Festival will take place this Saturday at Owl’s Head Park in Bay Ridge. The event gets kicked off at noon, and will include two re-enactment groups and a ton of music. The Bay Ridge Journal has the full events schedule – the Festival lasts until 5pm.
• When I first moved to Bensonhurst, the Bay Ridge cover band Holla Back came highly recommended. Well, I suck – it’s been three years now, and I still haven’t been. Maybe this Saturday night is the time to change that? Holla Back will be playing their 5 Year Anniversary party at the Wicked Monk on 5th Avenue (84-85). Starts at 11:30pm.

The Jerry Greaney Band (formerly Southern Comfort). If you’re an idiot or a trademark lawyer, you mistook them for a bottle of whiskey. Photo by Mike Beitchman.

About a month ago, the Bay Ridge band formerly known as The Southern Comfort Band changed its name under relentless pressure from the liqueur maker’s lawyers. Long-time readers of BK Southie know my feelings toward trademark lawyers (they suck suck suck and should sue themselves for being such parasitic drags on Western society). There’s just no way that Southern Comfort Company was in the right here. But what’s a local band to do when one of the Omnicorps of the world picks a fight with them? Enter the newly-rechristened Jerry Greaney Band.

Guitarist Eddie Sarkis sent the above photo to Southern Comfort’s bloodthirsty mercenaries lawyers to prove that the band had changed their name. Sadly, it looks like they are still every bit the Lifetime Achievement Douchebags we originally thought them to be. Quote the lawyers:

On a related note, the image included in your most recent email depicted a group of people standing in front of what we assume is the new band banner. The banner appears to be a knock-off of the Jack Daniel’s whiskey bottle label. In addition to representing Southern Comfort Properties, Inc., we also represent Jack Daniel’s Properties, Inc. (“JDPI”), the worldwide owner of the JACK DANIEL’S trademarks and the Jack Daniel’s bottle trade dress. You may not have realized that your use of this design constitutes an infringement of our client’s rights and must also be discontinued.

Please confirm that you will discontinue all use of this design on the banner and elsewhere immediately. If we do not receive such confirmation, we will have no choice but to recommend to JDPI that it consider further action to protect its rights. We hope that will not be necessary.

It all makes sense to me now. Here, all this time, I thought these were staff lawyers (like the ones I used to deal with at Seagram Americas) trying to (1) fill time in between real legal issues, (2) maybe score a free web site domain name for their troubles, and (3) no, really, they need to look busy, or else the department head is going to start thinking they can save on headcount.

Knowing that this is an outside law firm makes it clear to me that this is a racket for billable hours. No more, no less. In recommending legal action to Jack Daniels, they have no concern for protecting their client’s interests, only in bilking them for a few more shekels.

P.S. The Jerry Greaney Band will be at the Bally Bunion (3rd Avenue @ 95th Street), next Friday, April 23. 10pm. Officially designated as a Trademark-Lawyer-Free Zone.

I’m looking forward to the Bay Ridge edition of St. Patrick’s revelry, if I can figure out a way to un-triple-book myself this Sunday, March 28. The parade gets underway at 1pm at Marine Avenue and 4th Avenue, and will march north along 5th Avenue all the way to 59th Street. That’s almost 40 blocks, and I think – if I’m familiar with Bay Ridge geography – it passes one or two pubs along the way. Like the Wicked Monk, which will have DJs and two live bands, starting at 3pm.

And you never know when a bag-piping troupe will stop by for a drink.

At press time, no word if the 86th Street McDonald’s will have Shamrock Shakes available for the parade.

Early Sunday morning, a 37-year-old woman was killed by a hit-and-run driver while crossing the street at Fort Hamilton Parkway and 75th Street. And later in the day, five people were injured and a 40-year-old woman was killed by an elderly SUV driver outside of a church in Gravesend, who at least had the good sense to remain on the scene. (1010 WINS, NY Daily News)

With these two weekend incidents, along with general concern over the number of auto/pedestrian accidents in the area, I would like to offer crazy drivers three simple tips to reduce the number of injuries and fatalities in our community.

1. STOP F****** RUNNING OVER PEOPLE.
2. IF you just can’t help yourself, then for God’s sake, DO NOT DRIVE AWAY BEFORE THE COPS ARRIVE. Because hit-and-run drivers deserve the death penalty.
3. And lastly, STOP F****** RUNNING OVER PEOPLE.